Self Esteem, Can You Create It?

Self Esteem, I believe is aptly named.  It’s two words the most important one being ‘self’.

Yes, you can create a strong sense of self esteem.  With a bit of practice and some great coaching you can definitely create a greater sense of self.

Most people I’ve come across who have a low sense of self esteem, spending a lot of their time focusing inwards.  For example, the following phrases will be high in their vocabulary:

  • What will they think of me
  • But what will people think
  • I’m not good enough
  • I couldn’t join in the conversation
  • I’m not confident enough

Notice how all of these phrases focus on ‘self’.

Having suffered from low self esteem myself a long time ago, I understand what it’s like.

Often people who have a low self esteem will be found in the corners at parties or social gatherings.  What people don’t realize is it is much harder work to maintain a level of low self esteem than it is to have great self esteem.  Why?

Because people with low self esteem spend a lot of time in their ‘heads’ worrying about what others think.  Their stress levels are higher and they tend to focus solely inwards and are, generally speaking, not that happy with their situation.

On the other hand, people who focus outwards, don’t have those worries.  It’s much easier being social at gatherings than it is being the wall flower – trust me, I’ve been both!

So, if it’s possible to create a sense of great self esteem, how do you go about it?

One of the first steps would be to begin to focus ‘outwards’ instead of ‘inwards’.  Become ‘interested’ in others.  Here’s an example of the two scenarios at play:

Step One – Dialogue

Low Self Esteem Dialogue:

  • I hate coming to parties, it’s so hard.
  • No one wants to talk to me.
  • I don’t have anything to contribute, they’ll just think I’m stupid.
  • Look at that woman over there, she’s staring at me, oh no, I should never have worn this fitting dress!

Great Self Esteem Dialogue:

  • I wonder if I’ll meet some interesting people at this party.
  • Oh look, there’s someone who looks interesting, I’ll go and introduce myself to them.
  • It’s so interesting hearing about other people’s lives, and I learn something new every time.
  • I might even get a chance to talk about that new movie I saw the other day
  • Oh, that woman seems to be taking an interest in my outfit, I’m so glad I bought it!

Can you see that one of the internal dialogues is focused solely inwards, the other outwards.

Step Two – Affirmations, doing them the right way

The next step would be to practice some affirmations.  BUT before you begin, there’s no point in saying affirmations over and over, if you don’t believe them.

So how do you believe something that you find ‘unbelievable’?  The best way I know is to begin with visualizations.  An easy time to do them is before you go to sleep at night and when you wake up in the morning.  Mainly because going to bed and getting up is something you do every day.  Spend five minutes imagining yourself having great conversations.  Imagining yourself being interested in others.  Imagining yourself being confident.

Once you’ve done that for a while, it’s time to add some verbal affirmations.  These are short, sharp, positive statements about yourself.  Here’s a few to get you started – I usually try and make mine rhyme so they’re easier to remember:

  1. Every day in every way I relate better and better
  2. My confidence builds with ease
  3. I love talking to people and always get great results

There are many possibilities for affirmations.  It does take time, the secret is to keep doing it.  There are more steps to the process but that’s a starting point for you.  You might consider some personal coaching, visit the contact me page to see how personal coaching can make an enormous difference to your self esteem.


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