Relationship Advice and Date Nights

Is Your Relationship On Track?

I was reminded recently when my lovely friend came to stay, how easy it is to let every day life get in the way.

We were talking about relationships and how it’s so easy to let life get in the way and become too busy or not bothered with making an effort.

Relationships are much like the plants in your garden.  Think about a person who becomes interested in vegetable gardening for a minute.  They initially become really interested in the whole process, they prepare the soil, adding fertilizer and mulch.  Then they are ready to purchase the seedlings and plant them.  So they think about what vegetables they love the most, purchase them and then the planting begins.

For a while they’re really keen, they remember to water the plants every day.  Then they get really busy, or the garden seems a long way away from the kitchen and so begins the decline of the veggie patch.

It could be that winter sets in and they still have veggies in the garden that grow in the winter time but getting out there seems ‘too hard’, ‘too cold’, ‘too busy to bother’.

So what happens to the garden?

  1. The weeds begin to grow wild
  2. The plants suffer and wilt with slack of water
  3. Those that do survive don’t produce healthy vibrant results

Your relationship is much the same.  In order to keep the relationship healthy, vibrant and alive, you need to nurture it.

However, if we think about the garden again for a moment, if, when you first planted your seeds, you wouldn’t then go back 3 days later and dig up the soil to see what the seed was doing, you’d tend to the soil, nurture it and let nature take it’s course, otherwise the seeds wouldn’t grow!

So I see two key factors coming from the above information:

  1. In order for your relationship to remain vibrant and alive, you need to nurture it, spend time – schedule date nights in your calendar.
  2. However, don’t obsess so much in the beginning that you stifle the relationship’s natural flow.

I saw an episode of Oprah recently where a couple had become distant and were not intimate in their marriage any longer.  Oprah had a therapist on the show who said they needed to schedule some date nights in their diary.  These date nights needed to include intimacy.

Some members of the audience raised the question as to whether this was too orchestrated.  The therapist’s response was – our lives are very full, we get busy and it’s so easy to put things off until another day.  What the date night does, if you schedule it in your diary and you know it’s coming up, you begin to think about it, plan it, expect it and look forward to it.

So if you’re in a relationship, you might like to regularly schedule some date night.  You might also want to think about some ‘away nights’, where you go and stay away from home together.  It’s so easy to let life intervene when you’re in your own environment, there’s something about being away that has you focus solely on the present.

Here’s to your successful date nights.


Fiona

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