Money Issues in Relationships

Money is a major cause of stress in relationships

  • Money makes the world go around
  • Money burns a hole in your pocket
  • Money doesn’t grow on trees
  • You’re useless with money

Do these statements sound familiar?  Unfortunately many of us heard these phrases and a whole lot more bandied around as we were growing up.  They might sound flippant, but they have a major impact on how we view money.

None of us received a manual that taught us how to ‘do’ money.  We grew up with a set of values and beliefs about money which doesn’t necessarily help us to have more of it.

Added to that, we meet someone, form a relationship with them and they have their own set of values and beliefs about money, which may not blend well with our own.

So what to do about it.

Become Your Own Money Detective

Begin observing how you act and react where money is concerned.  Most often when couples argue about money it’s because they have different money needs.  I’ll paint the picture for you:

Sally values freedom and doesn’t like to be restricted.  She feels panic stricken if she doesn’t have her own money and can’t do what she wants with it.

Whereas Sam values Security.  He likes to save his money and watch it grow in the bank.  He’s also not that happy to take risks where money is concerned.

Sally thinks Sam is ‘tight’ with his money and Sam think money burns a hole is Sally’s pocket.

Their money issues could run a whole lot smoother if they stopped and listened to each other.  Listened to the words they were each using and understood that there’s nothing wrong with either of their money values, they’re just different.  And to restrict Sally is like putting her in a straight jacket, while taking risks with Sam’s money will give him heart palpitations!

Here’s a couple of things they could do:

  1. Each have their own separate pool of money (their pocket money), which they can do what they like with, without judgment.  Sally will spend hers and Sam will save his
  2. Begin is work with a separate set of values to help them blend their money wisdom together.  There are great bonuses to valuing freedom and there’s equally as many for valuing security. They could each take some interest in their partner’s wisdom, bringing it together to a middle ground.

We take more care of other people’s money than we do of our own!

Through my work as a money coach, I observe that most people don’t actually treat their money as if it were their own.  Sounds odd doesn’t it?  An example I give is to say ‘if I asked you to go to take my shopping list and do my grocery shopping for me, you’d want to know my budget and you’d be sure to stick to it, however it you were spending your own money, you’d most likely not take as much care’.

Why is that?  It’s interesting, it’s almost as if money has become the new ‘four letter word’.  Money is just an exchange of energy.  It doesn’t have any power on it’s own, it requires an input of emotion and an exchange of energy to make it work.

What energy are you giving to your money?


Fiona

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