Performance Management

Building successful performance within the workplace begins with your ability to relate with an unconditional attachment to the outcome.

This then leaves you with the ability to fully focus on the needs of the recipient, rather than your own.

Whenever I am called upon to facilitate because of communication breakdown, or a performance management issue within a work environment, I first ask the question ‘where does change need to happen’?  More often this lies with those in a leading position.

The ability to detach and look into the situation as opposed to being immersed in it is critical to ‘see’ a new way of relating to obtain the results you want.

Do any of these comments sound familiar to you?

  • They should know how to do their job more effectively
  • It’s so frustrating, they aren’t delivering at a level that should be in their role
  • I just can’t seem to get them to understand what I want

And there are many more comments to add to the above list.

‘They should know how to do their job more effectively’ – should they?  In your experience, in making that comment, your experience is that they don’t do their job effectively, so therefore they ‘shouldn’t’.  It is interesting that many people ‘expect’ someone to change, without first wondering whether that individual has the knowledge, skill, where-with-all, or even the inclination to change.

Could it be that we would be better to release ourselves from the need to have them conform to what we believe is ‘right’.  Release them to perform in a job that they love.


Failure – Choice or Chance?

The word ‘failure’ conjures up a sense of something lost for most people.  I beg to differ.  What if failure were simply one of the following:

  • an excuse to not exceed at something we’re afraid of
  • an opportunity to learn something new
  • a universal nudge suggesting that we’re now open to a new pathway or way of thinking

I’m now constantly asking myself the following question:

What would I do if I knew it was impossible for me to fail?

Could failure simply be an opportunity to try again in a different way?  What if failure were not actually ‘true’.  I really admire the teachings of Byron Katie, a very wise woman.  If you were left with a sense of dis – ease after an experience of so-called ‘failure’, Katie’s four questions could very well be the catalyst to have you begin anew with a fresh vision:

  1. Is it True?
  2. Can I absolutely know that It’s True?
  3. What Happens When I believe that Thought?
  4. Turn it Around

Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life Take look at Byron Katie’s book ‘Loving What Is’ here  (click on the graphic of Katie’s book to view)

If people were to look on to my life and sit in judgment for a moment, they may well say I have had many failures.  I choose to look at them as opportunities to learn and grow.  For without those failures I would not have advanced on to what I now know is my calling.  To work with people enhancing their professional development.

My latest quote – one which came to me recently, and now I use often seems to fit this thought pattern:

The most influential relationship you will ever have is with yourself


Your Money Personality

We give our money it’s own personality, yes, you read that correctly.  Our money has a personality, just like you and I do.

We inadvertently give money a life of its own.

Most people mistakenly think money is bad.  Remember the saying many of us heard growing up ‘money is the root of all evil’ – for some people you would actually think that was true.

Here are few scenarios which I’m sure most of you will have encountered before:

  • You go to the mailbox and collect the mail to find there are three bills enclosed: the gas, the electric and the phone bill.  You sigh and hesitate to open them thinking.  You finally do open them to find that the elect bill is $300, you blame the electricity company and think negatively about money
  • You continually say ‘I need more money’.  You’re eyeing up the new computer that your daughter wants but think ‘I can’t afford it’, thinking ‘there’s never enough money’

I could keep adding to that list until next Christmas and still have more to add.

When I first thought about my money personality some years ago, I realized that I was treating my money as if it was someone I would avoid at all costs.  If I likened it to a person, it would be someone I would stand well clear of in the queue at the supermarket.  It wouldn’t even be someone I would talk to.

That got me thinking.  I know that money is just an exchange of energy, so what kind of energy was I placing on my wealth creation?  Not a very good one.

I began to think about the sort of personality I wanted my money to have.  I thought about some of the wealthiest people in the world and decided that Richard Branson was a good starting point.  He valued money, he wasn’t mean with it and in fact he’s very generous.  I began to ask myself ‘what would Richard do if he were me’.  That bought me up short and really made me think about what I was spending my money on.

You see wealthy people don’t waste money, well that’s a bit of a generalist statement, but take a look.  They’re the first to check the bill when they pay after a night out at a restaurant.  They will check the invoice to make sure they are paying for what they had and no more.  That’s not because they’re mean, it’s because they value money.  They respect it.

It’s something to think about.  I’ll be adding a series of blog entries on this topic.  I find the subject of money absolutely fascinating and began, a few years ago, to take an interest in the difference between the rich and the poor, keep checking my blog to hear more on this topic.


Money Issues in Relationships

Money is a major cause of stress in relationships

  • Money makes the world go around
  • Money burns a hole in your pocket
  • Money doesn’t grow on trees
  • You’re useless with money

Do these statements sound familiar?  Unfortunately many of us heard these phrases and a whole lot more bandied around as we were growing up.  They might sound flippant, but they have a major impact on how we view money.

None of us received a manual that taught us how to ‘do’ money.  We grew up with a set of values and beliefs about money which doesn’t necessarily help us to have more of it.

Added to that, we meet someone, form a relationship with them and they have their own set of values and beliefs about money, which may not blend well with our own.

So what to do about it.

Become Your Own Money Detective

Begin observing how you act and react where money is concerned.  Most often when couples argue about money it’s because they have different money needs.  I’ll paint the picture for you:

Sally values freedom and doesn’t like to be restricted.  She feels panic stricken if she doesn’t have her own money and can’t do what she wants with it.

Whereas Sam values Security.  He likes to save his money and watch it grow in the bank.  He’s also not that happy to take risks where money is concerned.

Sally thinks Sam is ‘tight’ with his money and Sam think money burns a hole is Sally’s pocket.

Their money issues could run a whole lot smoother if they stopped and listened to each other.  Listened to the words they were each using and understood that there’s nothing wrong with either of their money values, they’re just different.  And to restrict Sally is like putting her in a straight jacket, while taking risks with Sam’s money will give him heart palpitations!

Here’s a couple of things they could do:

  1. Each have their own separate pool of money (their pocket money), which they can do what they like with, without judgment.  Sally will spend hers and Sam will save his
  2. Begin is work with a separate set of values to help them blend their money wisdom together.  There are great bonuses to valuing freedom and there’s equally as many for valuing security. They could each take some interest in their partner’s wisdom, bringing it together to a middle ground.

We take more care of other people’s money than we do of our own!

Through my work as a money coach, I observe that most people don’t actually treat their money as if it were their own.  Sounds odd doesn’t it?  An example I give is to say ‘if I asked you to go to take my shopping list and do my grocery shopping for me, you’d want to know my budget and you’d be sure to stick to it, however it you were spending your own money, you’d most likely not take as much care’.

Why is that?  It’s interesting, it’s almost as if money has become the new ‘four letter word’.  Money is just an exchange of energy.  It doesn’t have any power on it’s own, it requires an input of emotion and an exchange of energy to make it work.

What energy are you giving to your money?


Self Esteem, Can You Create It?

Self Esteem, I believe is aptly named.  It’s two words the most important one being ‘self’.

Yes, you can create a strong sense of self esteem.  With a bit of practice and some great coaching you can definitely create a greater sense of self.

Most people I’ve come across who have a low sense of self esteem, spending a lot of their time focusing inwards.  For example, the following phrases will be high in their vocabulary:

  • What will they think of me
  • But what will people think
  • I’m not good enough
  • I couldn’t join in the conversation
  • I’m not confident enough

Notice how all of these phrases focus on ‘self’.

Having suffered from low self esteem myself a long time ago, I understand what it’s like.

Often people who have a low self esteem will be found in the corners at parties or social gatherings.  What people don’t realize is it is much harder work to maintain a level of low self esteem than it is to have great self esteem.  Why?

Because people with low self esteem spend a lot of time in their ‘heads’ worrying about what others think.  Their stress levels are higher and they tend to focus solely inwards and are, generally speaking, not that happy with their situation.

On the other hand, people who focus outwards, don’t have those worries.  It’s much easier being social at gatherings than it is being the wall flower – trust me, I’ve been both!

So, if it’s possible to create a sense of great self esteem, how do you go about it?

One of the first steps would be to begin to focus ‘outwards’ instead of ‘inwards’.  Become ‘interested’ in others.  Here’s an example of the two scenarios at play:

Step One – Dialogue

Low Self Esteem Dialogue:

  • I hate coming to parties, it’s so hard.
  • No one wants to talk to me.
  • I don’t have anything to contribute, they’ll just think I’m stupid.
  • Look at that woman over there, she’s staring at me, oh no, I should never have worn this fitting dress!

Great Self Esteem Dialogue:

  • I wonder if I’ll meet some interesting people at this party.
  • Oh look, there’s someone who looks interesting, I’ll go and introduce myself to them.
  • It’s so interesting hearing about other people’s lives, and I learn something new every time.
  • I might even get a chance to talk about that new movie I saw the other day
  • Oh, that woman seems to be taking an interest in my outfit, I’m so glad I bought it!

Can you see that one of the internal dialogues is focused solely inwards, the other outwards.

Step Two – Affirmations, doing them the right way

The next step would be to practice some affirmations.  BUT before you begin, there’s no point in saying affirmations over and over, if you don’t believe them.

So how do you believe something that you find ‘unbelievable’?  The best way I know is to begin with visualizations.  An easy time to do them is before you go to sleep at night and when you wake up in the morning.  Mainly because going to bed and getting up is something you do every day.  Spend five minutes imagining yourself having great conversations.  Imagining yourself being interested in others.  Imagining yourself being confident.

Once you’ve done that for a while, it’s time to add some verbal affirmations.  These are short, sharp, positive statements about yourself.  Here’s a few to get you started – I usually try and make mine rhyme so they’re easier to remember:

  1. Every day in every way I relate better and better
  2. My confidence builds with ease
  3. I love talking to people and always get great results

There are many possibilities for affirmations.  It does take time, the secret is to keep doing it.  There are more steps to the process but that’s a starting point for you.  You might consider some personal coaching, visit the contact me page to see how personal coaching can make an enormous difference to your self esteem.